There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
