Soap is not a condiment
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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