Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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