Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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