from now on my penis is your penis
sarcasm needs its own font
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
