the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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