I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
