So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
