I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My dick has a subreddit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
