I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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