Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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