I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize