In the future we'll all be gay
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
