its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize
