So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So squirting runs in the family.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
