I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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