I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
