dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
