hotel room ftw
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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