My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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