The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
