so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
