ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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