So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You don't make any sense
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