i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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