thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
