He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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