There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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