he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
