i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize