Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize