sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
