when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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