Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
