How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
