I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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