I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
