be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize