Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
