Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
