I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
