were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
