Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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