Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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