He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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