you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
