Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
