hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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