Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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