God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
