your parents love me but you hate me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
