Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
