TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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