I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
