currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
