i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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