kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm really busy with my period
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