I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
