I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she smelled like a LAN party
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize