dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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