We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
