Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
