you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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